I’m supposed to write everyday. I want to write everyday. But I can’t. I mean, I can. I will! I am! It’s all suspended animation for me right now. For me right now. Me right now. Right now. Now. I have tossed everything up in the air and it’s stalled, just before hitting the lawn. Paused. Waiting for a phone call that will send it tumbling down in order or not in order. Is this my bus? Or am I waiting for the next one? Plan B is so plan b. It’s a job in New York. One I was offered before and turned down 4 years ago. It’s either a long shot or a shoo in. New York City doesn’t seem the hometown I thought it then. It seems like work now. Like it’d take me a long time to find normal there. All I want is normal. All I want is calm. All I want is me again. Seattle though, that’s like home. That’s like easy and cake and something I can wrap my arms around. It’s the same size. The same pace. The same job. It’s where I want to go. If they want to have me. But the phone is not ringing right now. It has no news to bring. My day is almost over and so it’s on to tomorrows nail biting, pacing, jumping on the couch. I know I can take one more day. I hope the couch can!
5 comments:
I think that you already know that I am waiting for this answer too!!! I am thinking so many good thoughts for you that it hurts!
Well, keep blogging...we're reading!
As much as waiting sucks for us, I know that it is a hundred times worse for you. Keep sane!
good lucksters!
your post title makes me think of an air supply lyric... it's not the same but it just reminds me of it.
'i'm lying alone with my head on the phone thinkin' of you till it hurts...i'm all outta love, i'm so lost without you...'
ah... air supply... the days when big frizzy mullets worked...
My prayers are with your couch! And my fingers are firmly crossed in hope that that phone rings. Keep us posted!!
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