I’m at a coffee shop that’s much busier than the coffee shop we own. That's a picture of it. It’s not just a little busier, it’s kick our ass busier. Location is part of it. Another part of it is that the woman who owns this place actually likes owning it. Cares about it. Probably thinks about it with a smile on her face. She also has to be rolling in cash. ROLLING in it! That’s gotta help.
What the woman sitting next to me keeps angrily muttering as she reads the New York Times: “OH, that’s decadence. Pure decadence!”
What they just popped in the CD player: Le Tigre!
We play Le Tigre too, but at our store, the only people bobbing their heads are the staff. SIGH.
I landed a babysitting job today. The house smells like moth balls, the parents are hippies, the baby is, um, unattractive and it only pays $8 an hour. YEAH. Desperation lands you in odd spots. Ah, my old job. Cute kids, nice house, cool parents, $12 an hour, fun things to do, art supplies, naps, organic food that I got to eat for free. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!? Visual: me banging head on brushed metal table at hip, packed coffee shop.
What the woman sitting next to me switched her angry muttering to: “Good gravy!”
M and I went to his parent’s house yesterday. It was the first time I had been there since May. I could tell his parents were surprised to see me. I wonder if they could tell how surprised I was to be there! I tried to hide my awe and panic behind my trademark big smile and eager head bobs. After some chit chat, dog pets and peeks at some of the new things his mom has picked up during my six month exile, we left and went to IHOP for some breakfast-for-dinner food stuffs.
Important side note: they put pancake batter in their omelets.
While eating my aforementioned batter laced omlette , I confessed that it was sometimes weird for me to be there. It was nothing from him, nothing from his parents, it was all in my head and best I could figure was that I still don’t really believe all this. And being there, where I know she had been just weeks before, was odd. It was ghost like. It was a step toward accepting that this has happened. That she is real and not imagined. And that this soap opera isn’t a bad dream. It’s real. And I’m in it. Starring role.
But this too shall pass. I have come to be a firm believer in the temporariness of things. Whatever weirdness I feel is a wave, going under me as I bob in place. Whatever happiness, sadness, anger, regret - all waves. Me - always in place. Bobbing. Weathering.
Soon it will be a different wave lifting me up or pushing me down. That’s the only constant in this whole mess, in everything really, the up and down, the change, the flux, the unknown.
That use to scare me, now it just makes me swallow a little hard and keep my eyes open.
That’s something.
1 comment:
After reviewing many of your entries concerning Mike and the challenges you have gone through with him, as an outsider I would say “STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT ASSHOLE!” He is nothing but trouble for you and seems to be getting you in deeper without you even noticing it. The tone in you entries has become extremely depressing and I don’t think you realize how down and out you truly are. You are just accepting it as “real”……things don’t have to be this way, you know. I think it is time for you to rethink why the hell you are doing with this jackass and what it is the truly makes “YOU” happy. Does he treating you like this make you happy? If so, I say rock with it. If not, I think you need to start looking into a way to start living without him and get on with making yourself happy. It may be time to find the joy in owning your own business. Stop wasting time with this man and start living again. It is time.
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