with lots of frosting, too

Excuse me, but could you please scoot that soap box over my way? Thanks.

A-hem.

Trust. What the fuck?

I’m a REALLY trusting person. I call it a character trait. Other’s call it a character flaw. Toe-mato, toe-mah-toe. Fuck you.

I would also claim to be very trustworthy. Ironic, considering that I am involved in a number of really big lies as I type this. Three to be exact. In two of the lies, I have no one to lie to, but am the one lied about. The wanna-be lawyer in me wants to jump to my defense and make some kind of argument about how my responsibility in these situations is negligent since I have no allegiance to the parties being lied to, blah blah blah. But I can’t make that argument. Mainly because it’s a fucking weak argument. I have no excuses. I shouldn’t be doing these things. I suck. I also have no plans to stop doing these things either. Further, I have no plans of ever telling the one who is being lied to about the things I’m doing. See - I really do suck!

The third lie is a lie I’m keeping. I haven’t been asked about it directly. I haven’t even been asked about it indirectly, but I am NOT saying something that might be of interest to someone important to me. AH-HA! Let all who read this and know me suffer in the cruel grasp of paranoia!

Now that my confession is out there, I am free to say this: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING TO EACH OTHER?!?

Seriously.

All these lies are hurtful to the people we love. LOVE. People we would donate kidneys to. People we would bust outta jail. People we would organize search parties to find if they ever went missing. And we lie to them? What the fuck?

How do we sleep at night? I know! We sleep at night because we have convinced ourselves that these lies are better than the truth. We are protecting feelings! We are keeping the peace! We are noble in carrying this burden around by ourselves!

We are wrong!

That’s all total and utter crap to make us feel better. We want our cake and to eat it, too. And we want ice ceam on the side as well. And a clean fork. And maybe some more ice cream. Especially if it’s chocolate. And some milk. Skim. Ice cold. In a goblet. Is there any more cake left?

It’s all self preservation bullshit. We are trading the very foundation that our relationships are built on for some seriously silly shit. We do it because we think we can get away with it. It’s a calculated risk. If it works, we get what’s behind door number one AND doors two and three.

What could be better than that?

I don’t know for sure, because like I said earlier, I suck and am involved in three big lies right now – but I think what might be better than walking away with the new car, the donkey and the cutlery set is NOT lying. Maybe instead of lying or doing things we’d want to lie about, we could be honest with our feelings and talk to these people. Remember… we love them. We’d drop the phone and rush to the hospital if we ever got news they were hurt. We’d go to Walgreen’s at 3am in a blizzard to get them cold medicine or Puffs with lotion. We’d trade seats with them on an airplane if they wanted to look out the window.

But like I said, I don’t know for sure.

Yup.

Well.

Back to my cake and goblet of ice cold skim milk!