fly away

I’m on day, um, forty-five or something of my surprise unemployment. Seems like when you give your two week notice at the smaller paper to take a job at the larger one - - they aren’t such a fan of that. Suddenly you’re some kind of “media spy” or “security risk.” I got the same day boot topped off with no pay. The boot part isn’t so bad. I actually needed a few of the days off and have kept busy the rest of the time. The no pay part though - I pretty much hate it. I am broke. Broke broke broke. It’s temporary as the new job provides me with a pretty nice raise but until that glorious first pay period ends, it’s cereal in a bag for me.

Today I was cheerful. I have this idea that I shouldn’t be but was only momentarily concerned. I’m blaming it on hormones or full moons or my triumphant return to caffeine. Seems too soon after The Events to have this return to happy. But whatever the reason, it was a gift to feel like myself again. It’s been a while. I’m not usually a down in the dumps kind of person but it got pretty bad. My friend Laura said I seemed hollow. That’s how I felt. I was sinking into this circumstantial depression and couldn’t pull myself out of it. My friends were worried. My mom, calling 10 times a day. Brooke was the unexpected hero in my story. She crafted a phrase that turned on a lightbulb and helped me shift from depression into grief and while that sounds like not much movement at all, it was like an earthquake. Here is what she said: “You know in your heart what you need, you just have to give yourself permission to hear it.” That was about two weeks ago and today, happy. Funny how that works.

A 4pm coffee break was the icing on the good day cake. A rendezvous for a phone charger lead to seeing a bunch of people who I have sincerely missed. My old department turned out for the event and as I saw them file past the window and into the coffee shop, I was all smiles. Hugs and the same old jokes and lots of laughter filled the half hour and the residual smiley lasted well into the evening. I know they are a total buncha toads but dang if I don’t love ‘em.

This writing thing is coming back slowly. I feel rather rusty. Clunky. I know I’m ignoring the pink elephant in the room, but I’m not ready to tackle it just yet. Writing about coffee breaks and paychecks seems to be all I can muster for right now. And that’s probably a good thing. The dust needs to settle and I need a break. Some calm. Some peace. So it’s the surface for this girl. The ocean floor is safe for now.