It has recently come to my attention that there exists an genre of writing so horrible, so ridiculous that you can’t take your eyes away from it no matter how much they burn. You’re compelled to visit these websites and blogs over and over again, painstakingly reading each and every word of their vile until you are calling in sick for work because you haven’t gone to bed yet.
This evil is called: erotic fan fiction.
Here, you will find people writing about Transformers HAVING SEX or Thundercats HAVING SEX or Smurfs HAVING HOT STEAMY SEX IN THEIR MUSHROOM HOUSES. That Smurfette - you’ll never look at her the same way again.
Can you imagine: Barely Legal Smurfette? I thought so. How about: Smurfette Gone Wild? I knew it.
Upon perusal of this portal o' insanity, I noticed a few 80s fads had gone unnoticed. What about Strawberry Shortcake erotic fan fiction? “The room smelled of sweat, blueberry pie and strawberry shortcake. She knew at an instant what had happened here only moments before.” Or how about Care Bear erotic fan fiction? “While his thrusting was furious, the room remained silent, the pounding noise deadened by their stuffing.” Cabbage Patch erotic fan fiction? Better not say much more about that lest I risk jail time. But you can imagine the salacious imagery with cabbage and dirt involved.
For you, my dear friends, click here and see for yourself this horrible abuse of the first amendment. Enjoy!
6 comments:
Silly rabbit, Cabbage Patch kids can't have sex because they have no equipment (though they do have belly buttons). Don't forget the Snorks for erotic fiction. Junior's snork slowly raised to a stiff up right position while he checked out the blowhole of the dolphin swimming by.
if only you had google advertising... can you imagine the cool ads you'd get after this post?
the very idea of smurfsex strikes me as the ultimate evil.
Lite Brite was pretty sexy.
And spirograph gave me boners for some odd mathmatical reason.
good times
j.
the.horror.
Years back, when the Internet was newer and rougher edged, we had a rogue Usenet feed at work, and before I could get all of the more risque groups removed from the feed, I'd see stuff in there like gay m/m stories featuring Wesley Crusher from Star Trek TNG and other bizarre creations.
But then I guess that doesn't compare with the Sex Smurfs.
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