i just happened to be nowhere near your neighborhood

I’m heading home. Once again, I was the sloppy girl with all the things trotting through the airport to get to my gate, which like most of the gates I need to get to, was the furthest possible away from where I checked in. But I made it! I’m here! I even have plenty of time to kill thanks to a delay, although while I just thanked it, I’d rather it not be working it’s magic because my assigned seat is a good place to be once we are airborne. But for now I sit with the others, trying to keep busy before the real trying to keep busy starts for the nearly 3 hour flight.

I’m sad to leave! It started to feel like home. HOM! I looked at apartments this morning, took the bus, shopped, walked a ton and met Z for lunch and grocery shopping in the market. The weather has been absolutely amazing. Not a cloud in the sky sunny and 50 the whole time. Seattle (C@L!) is really beautiful. Parts of the city remind me of home, others of Chicago with a little New York mixed in. The hills remind me of San Francisco. Which were my favorite part of living in San Francisco. They make for these amazing surprise views. You’d turn a corner and all of a sudden realize you’re on top of the city with a perfect view of the Pacific or the mountains or the forests. It’d stop you in your tracks. Seattle is like that too - - jaw dropping, breath taking, hey honey look at this pretty.

The job interview was intense! It was seven and a half hours long. Seven. And. A. Half. Hours. Long. No breaks. No pop until hour 5. No restroom visits. Even lunch was an interview! By the end I was half dead. I had sadly woken up at 4am that morning thanks to my inner clock still being set to the time of my people. But I made it though. They seemed to really like me. I really liked them. I want to say that I’d be surprised if I didn’t get it, but after this last year, nothing much surprises me anymore. So I’ll wait with baited breath and cross my fingers that I hear sooner than later. I’m due for a break though, and I’m really hoping that it’s this one.

I’ll know by Wednesday.

GULP!

What :I: prayed for while I was in my interview: that my pigtails were neat.

Were they: kinda!

I know most people have touristy stories of scuba diving or parasailing but my touristy story centers around two pigeons. First off, I have to say that Seattle pigeons are HUGE. Apparently mild winters make for good pigeon growing! Also apparent is that pigeon ginormity is directly linked to pigeon IQ – lemme tell you, these birds are brainy. They’re super smart chicken sized hi-breds!

By now you must be wondering what happened! Did I see a pigeon reading the New York Times? Did a pigeon wait on me at Tully’s? Is there a pigeon lecture series that I attended over lunch?

No. It’s better than all that! You see, I was walking to meet Z when I found myself at a stop light with two pigeons. They were standing on the corner, looking straight ahead and waiting. When the light turned for us to go, they hopped down of the curb and walked across the street the whole time staying in the cross walk. When they reached the other side, they hopped up the curb and turned the corner and headed down the hill to the water. Seriously! These were law abiding pigeons. Waiting for the walk sign. Staying in the crosswalk. I seemed to be the only one amazed by this which leads me to believe that this must be normal behavior for Seattle pigeons. The pigeons here surely don’t cross the street like that! It’s that super intelligence I was talking about. They know laws! They can read signs! It’s amazing!

What I wish pigeons could also do: wear hats.

What else: fight crime.

I just want to grab my stuff, wrestle my checked luggage away from the baggage handler and walk outta this airport. I’d grab a cab to downtown and look out the window the whole ride. I’d asked to get dropped off by the market, maybe hook up with Z or L for dinner and magically have an apartment to go home to. Insta-Seattleite -- just add job! Instead though, I’ll go home. I’ll open the store tomorrow morning and put in another 12 hour day for god willing another $250. In a few days, get a call that’ll let me know where I’ll be in a few weeks. If the brick red office with the big window is mine. If the staff I met is the staff I’ll manage. If the cool people with promises of showing me around will stick to their words. If the apartment I looked at this morning will be where I call home.

If.

If.

If.

Wednesday never seemed so far away.

you're like new york city

I got my cheap ass to Seattle! I was actually a little early getting to the airport. This is most unusual for me. While I am always a little panicked about missing my flight, it usually doesn’t motivate me to get my shit together much before the last minute. Yes, that’s me you see running through the airport, boarding pass in mouth, magazines in hand, bookbags strewn haphazardly over my shoulder, hair popping out of my braids, panicked look in my eyes. Honestly, it’s a wonder I can get anywhere. But today, I wasn’t running. All those other things – yes – still true. But I walked from the check-in to my gate. Leisurely at that. Apparently, this trip means a little more than most.

What I saw looking out the airplane window: clouds mostly.

What I saw looking out of the taxi window: sun, sun and more sun.

And now I’m here. Unpacked! Dinnered! Quenched! Waiting! My friend L is coming by to get me shortly. Truth be told, I’m way sleepy. It’s 11pm in the land of my people and only 9pm here. I had some coffee from one of the many coffee shops on the block and it’s hardly kicking in! I kinda just want to go to bed but it’s NINE. That’s like bedtime for 4th graders! Must! Stay! Up!

While waiting I’ve worked on my flight themed haiku for my Illustration Friday post. I had lots of writers block but them some happy kicked in and these came out.

he held my heart, soft
cupped careful in open palms
you could hear me breath

when i grow wings
i’ll fly around the world and
settle by you

flying in i knew
the hardest thing would be
saying goodbye

J and I didn’t have a chance to haiku duel prior to my getting the hell outta dodge. But I have him down for next week and head locked him into a promise of e-mail haiku duels when we are separated by a whole mess of miles and a two hour time difference. He is one of the things I’ll miss the most about Minneapplesauce. Him and almost everyone else. My friends are some of the greatest people ever invented.

I am off for a 50 degree frolic in this fair city! See you tomorrow! Wish me luck! Pet your cat! Hold your breath! It’s gonna be a great great day!

illustration friday: flight

This week's topic was flight. I thought of kites or balloons or birds, but settled on a soaring heart. I like paintings of things with wings that don't normally have wings. This one is done up in acrylic on cheap ass canvas board. The haiku will follow later due to the mad rush to get MY cheap ass to Seattle!

YEE-HAW!!

Wanna have your spirits lifted?

I finished my haiku!

adventures make one late for dinner

J likened me to a hobbit yesterday. Except taller. He wondered aloud if I was embarking on an epic journey with my trip and move to the Pacific Northwest. If I was the chosen one. If the weird ring I picked up at the thrift store was hiding some magical secret. With all this talk, you’d think J was a pasty faced basement dwelling D&D aficionado. No no no. Couldn’t be further from the truth. J is all mile wide smiles and Seven jeans and great hair.

Just incase he was right, especially since he is known to often be right, he espoused a few simple rules to guide me along my way. He intended them to be his parting words of advice to keep me safe and help me navigate this mean mean world. It was like highschool commencement, except nothing like it at all. I wrote his words of wisdom down in my handy dandy notebook.

H’s Rules For Encountering Magical or Mystical Creatures:

1. Never give them your real name.
2. Never ever wish for anything in front of them.
3. Never eat any food or accept any gifts they may offer you.
4. Never invite them into your house.
5. Never touch a unicorn.

I know what y'all are wondering. I wondered the same thing. This conversation snippet should answer your question:

Me: These rules are for all magical or mystical creatures - - even fairies?
J: ESPECIALLY fairies.

Now, I don’t really except to be seated next to a unicorn on the plane or bump into a troll while visiting the Space Needle, but I’ll take these along just incase. Maybe try to gleam some meaning out of them for encounters with non-magical creatures. Non magical creatures with nice smiles and cool t-shirts who want my phone number. They are surely as dangerous as fairies are. Probably more so. If asked my name by one of them, I think I’ll say Beatrice.

I was nearly offered the job over the phone yesterday! Due to discount airlines not wishing to fly between here and there on Saturday and Sunday (lazy!) I was asked to come on Thursday and return on Friday. I said, and it’s a nearly direct quote, that while not wanting to be presumptuous, that didn’t leave me any time to look for an apartment. Without hesitation, my would-be boss replied “Good point!” and switched my flight so I had a free day in C@L to look for a little place to call my own. He might as well have just said “You’re Hired!!” and asked me if I wanted a regular or ergonomic keyboard in my office, but this was just as good.

Speaking of a little place to call my own - - here is what I have my heart set on:


Charmed!


Cozied!

I wish the cat came with it!

D’OH! I made a wish! I hope there aren't any lurking magical or mystical creatures reading my pollyblog or I could be doomed! DOOMED!!

sun sun sun here it comes

I’m in need of a pep talk. It’s probably the booze messing with me. Got accidentally drunk last night. Oops! J makes knock you on your ass drinks. I had two and was then, officially, knocked on my ass. Now the weird after effects are taking hold, the worst of which is this icky blah feeling. The second worse of which is this headache. Aspirin for the headache, writing for the blahs.

There are things that I know about myself, about M, about life and people and just how things work. Things that I completely believe are true, yet, I need reminders. Some sort of constantly available mom or best friend to help me digest all this in a way that doesn’t leave scars. Or at least leaves the smallest ones.

I just feel sick sometimes. I was treated so poorly. I didn’t look out for myself enough. I trusted him. He wasn’t worthy of it. And here I am now. I sometimes feel like I’ve lost nearly everything. A lot of the people and things I placed value on are gone. And it’s sad. It makes it extra sad that he didn’t skip a beat. Off to the next girl. I feel replaced. Tossed aside. Disgusted. All of this is so ridiculous. I’m privy to this occasional birds eye view of it all and I see myself rolling my eyes and walking away laughing under my breath at how stupid this is. At how stupid he is.

And he is stupid. Immature. Irresponsible. Egotistical. He turned into someone who I wouldn’t want to be with. Had I been the next girl he was on to, had he made this mess for me, I would have said no. I would have wanted to see him be the bigger person, take care of his obligations, prove himself to me by following though with someone else. I would be smart enough to know that how he treats other people is a window into how he could one day treat me.

I didn’t really have any warning signs. He seemed all the right things. I stayed because he seemed sweet and kind. I gave up my ideas of long conversations and reading books together in exchange for ones about calm and fate. I knew I was trading things right from the start. And I kept trading until I think I really lost sight of what it was I had wanted. I was left with a set of cards that weren’t familiar to me and left me nothing to play.

That isn’t to say I didn’t love him. I did. It’s to say that I shouldn’t be upset by this. It’s to say I should have realized this earlier. It’s to say that I’ve known almost the whole time that there was something better for me. But I chose to trade. Trade. Trade.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been pulled from this life by someone or something that has an idea that there is better for me. The more I hung on, the more I was tugged away. Beat down until I was too weak to hold on and then I was lifted out. I’ve been happier in many ways these last few weeks than I have been in years. I’ve been working on saving myself and funny how when you do that you really do wind up saving yourself. Things started happening right away. Great jobs. Friends. Boys. The possibilities of it all are infinite. Within reach. Mine for the taking.

But still there is this ball of melancholy in me. Kicking around with a sad look upon it’s face. Not wanting to go outside and play. It doesn’t like being left. It feels uncared for. Sad. Unimportant. It wants this to be a big mistake, a regret, so it can feel better. It wants to be right about all the things it thinks will happen. It wants to mope.

Cheer up little ball.

There is sun. It’s on the way.

You and I both know that there will be a day when you thank god that this happened. Where you won’t be able to imagine yourself any other way. You will feel creative and fulfilled and there will be this calmness in your little spherical soul. It could be while walking home from work on a rare sunny C@L day. It could be when you sign up for singing lessons. It could be when you look over and see a really sweet and lovely boy who's head just happens to be resting on the pillow next to yours. You’ll be happy you were given this chance. It is a chance after all. Ends are just beginnings. Your life is all possibility. Glowing yellow with it. On fire. And that isn’t anything to be afraid of. You are magic sometimes. You draw people in, you find your way. You are always loved and cared for, even when it might not seem so clear.

Until then, it’s just getting though to that day. To the worth it day. To the thank god this happened day. Just fill up those days in between. Make art. Learn music. Sing. Write. Move. Work. Participate. Be fearless. Be yourself. Tie this year up in a box and put it on a shelf. One day, put a bow on it. Know that this made you better. Stronger. Smarter. Growth is always painful. Always. Know that you took all you could from this year. Lots of lessons learned. Lots of looks into who you really are. Would you trade them, even now? Haven’t you already come far enough to not trade your now for what you had?

I thought so.

You learned that early on. You knew that this was better than it was, even when this was as bad as it could be. That’s why you’re going to be ok. Because you are smart like that. Because you figured it out when you were just out of the gate. Because you know that you are pure potential. The wind at your back. And the best part of that is, you realized that before there was anything else. No other job. No boy. It was just you knowing that you were made for better. That’s a gift.

So buck up little melancholy ball. It’s gonna be a-ok. Come and get breakfast with us. Come get some sun. Some fresh air. Maybe you’ll even smile a little. Laugh once or twice. Feel hopeful.

I promise, the sun is coming. I see it peeking though the clouds.

come on down!

I’m going to Seattle!!

Aaaaaaah!

I made it through round three! It was a piece of cake! My would-be boss LOVES ME. He said my answers were “eloquent” and “intelligent” and “well-thought out!” He mixed in a few “we must think alike”s and “I completely agree with your approach to that”s. He laughed at my jokes. I laughed at his jokes. He ended by saying: wanna come to Seattle? And I ended by saying: HECK YES!

I leave on Thursday!

Today’s theme song: Daybreak by the one and only Barry Manilow!

What Barry Manilow fans are called: Fanilows!

Am I one: YOU BET!

I watched movies and ate pizza with P (pee!) last night! It was a night of high-flying karate kicks and hilarity. Feeling the need for a movie about girls who KICK ASS, I netflixed Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The Movie. HI-YA! Take that creepy looking and bad toothed vampires! Oh yeah, and then lemme finish you off with this sharpened fret board to the heart! Kick! Kick! Stab! Then it was on to Anchorman, quite possibly one of the funniest movies EVER MADE. “I just pooped a Cornish game hen.” Seriously, if you didn’t just laugh when you read that, you should check your pulse! Pooping + Cornish game hens = Comic genius! It’s true!

There are more than a few deals swirling around to sell the store. THANK GOD. Apparently, nearly free coffee shops are in high demand! Closing the store for the swank job would create a whole new pile o’ problems to sort out. It would probably involve court dates and public floggings and running around like a headless chicken and the actual invention of taffy for anxious girls, if just for my own use. I feel like my life is a high stakes game of Plinko where I’ve simultaneously let go of all my plastic discs and am watching, with baited breath, to see which ones land where. So far, it’s looking good. So far, Bob Barker hasn’t rested his hand on my ass. So far, my name tag is still sticking to my t-shirt.

Plink. Plink. Plunk. Plop. Petunia pansy painting pwa pwa pwa. Pick me, pick me! Plip plastered punk rock. Penguin paradigm. Pair of dimes! Postulate posture stand up straight. Personality crisis criss cross. Point part purl pester plain partner. “Prima ballerina on a spring afternoon.” Porcupine possum pond, frogs jumping in. Pressue pulse pupils. Deep breath, deep breath. Pleased.

illustration friday : year of the rooster

Here is my promised cock… ah … I mean ROOSTER for y’all this week. I made it out of origami paper and glue. Then my friend J and I engaged in a haiku duel! Topic: roosters!

J’s

beady eyes squint in
serpent skin under brighter plumage
the lingual phallus

Mine

grandma’s house, quiet
sound bursts in through open window
rooster alarm clock

Wanna see more cock?

(It'll stop being funny soon - I promise!)